Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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