That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
