i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
