and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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