I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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