I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
