So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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