As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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