i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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