when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
