I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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