She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
