News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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