I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
