just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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