I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
