Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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