Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
