I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
