Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
