my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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