the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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