Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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