He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
