My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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