i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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