I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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