did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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