I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
