I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
