I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
