i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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