Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
