Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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