dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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