It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
