can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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