I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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