I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
