Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
