Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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