Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
