i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
