lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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