Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
