just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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