i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
