Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
