420 ftw
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sarcasm needs its own font
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
