Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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