My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
