the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
