In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
