i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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