I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
