oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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