pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
