i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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