ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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