i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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