why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
