My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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